Thanksgiving and My Sister
Thanksgiving brings a lot of memories to mind. Not many childhood memories for some reason, but after I got married. I live in one state and my parents and sister lived 600 miles away. My husband and I would drive every Thanksgiving to spend it with my family. The only years we didn’t go at Thanksgiving were when I had just had a baby or once because we went right after Christmas. It just worked out that Thanksgiving was the time we would go. In time my sister got married and we had stairstep children. She went first, then me, then her again, then me, then me again and then her. The trip was long, some years longer than others depending on the age of the kids, but predictable.
My sister and I have always had a tenuous relationship. Nine years age difference, totally different personalities (I was very compliant and she was more of a free spirit), and distance (I moved away a couple of times) made a difficult chasm for us to cross. Our lifestyles took different paths. As adults we got along, but distance was both a blessing and a curse in our relationship.
My mother passed away four years ago. We went that first year, but as anyone knows who has lost a parent, it’s never quite the same. My Dad came to my brother’s house (we live in the same town) for Thanksgiving the next couple of years and then moved here.
This added to the strain on my sister and I. We had more ups and downs. Resentments, some old, some new, bubbled in and out of our lives. Choices made that we didn’t agree with rubbed raw old wounds. Facebook, ah Facebook was another one of the blessings and curses. Great for sharing pictures and life happenings, but an opportunity for misunderstood statuses and quick remarks. Finally I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. So I did the unthinkable – I defriended my only sister.
I am not proud of this. I could easily have just blocked her posts from showing up or unsubscribing from her newsfeed. I could have blocked her being able to make comments on my posts, but I chose to make the hard break. To take a stand. I decided it wasn’t healthy for me. Maybe it wasn’t, but she’s my sister. I claim to be a Christian, yet have not shown love. What a hypocrite I am.
It has been months now. I mailed her a birthday card this summer, but have done nothing else. I sneak around and look at her Facebook page, ask my Dad how she’s doing, and even occasionally offer up a prayer for her. In spite of our dysfunctional sisterhood, I miss her. I am hoping she will forgive me when I work up the courage to send her a friend request.
I have decided to give thanks this year for my family, all of my family – warts and all.
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.
Sometimes you have to step back. Hopefully you two can work it out, but I understand your situation. My brother and I are much closer in age, but you'd think there was a decade, and while we've gotten along, we just have nothing in comment outside of our parents.
We too had a relationship strained in our family by something a family member of my hubs posted on facebook. There was obviously more to it but that was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. The relationship is somewhat mended, but I feel differently towards that person now and while I've forgiven them I don't think we'll ever have the closeness we all once had which makes me sad. The entire family took offense at this person's actions and all have forgiven, but we approach gatherings where this person is present with caution.
I admire you for having the courage to say this publicly. I too have had and, continue to have, a roller coaster relationship with many of my close family members. You take the good with the bad and hope for the best. But it’s nice to read that you’re making a genuine effort to get along with all your family. Some people can’t even do that.