When is a Rule not a Rule?
The first time I went clothes shopping with my newly acquired mother-in-law and sister-in-law I got a big shock. It turns out that there are perfectly nice people in my world who DON’T FOLLOW THE RULES!
On the fitting room door was the sign that said “Only 3 garments at a time”. I dutifully picked 3 items out of my cart to take into the dressing room. The sound of their jaws dropping to the floor clued me in that something had happened. Disbelief and then laughter followed. The response was something like, “those rules don’t mean us“. I was in a bit of shock myself.
I have lightened up a bit over the years. I drive 5 miles over the posted speed limit (though I take that to be an unspoken rule), I have been known to put 16 items in the 15 item limit checkout line, ordered off the kids menu when my child was 6 months older than the cutoff point, and once didn’t tell the hotel we had 3 kids instead of 2 because the room wouldn’t let us have 5 occupants (of course the reservation clerk on the phone told me to do that). I let my kids take cell phones to school when the rule is no phones – because it has become the unspoken rule that’s okay as long as you don’t have them out in class.
The point is – I have not only bent the rules but have broken them too. I am no saint. But in general, I am a rules keeper.
It’s getting harder to explain why to my kids. Are the rules really rules if they are being broken around you and there is no consequence?
- If I tell my kids they have to do their summer reading assignment and then when they get to school there is no consequence for the ones who don’t – why bother? (Actually I make them do it for the discipline and I think it’s a good thing)
- If Facebook says you have to be 13 to be on it but children all around are joining at the age of 10 and 11 with their parents full knowledge – why do I keep saying no to my youngest who just wants to play the games? (Fortunately her dad lets her get on his page and play the games so she doesn’t complain too much)
- If my Scout turns in his t-shirt design on the deadline, but then the leaders allow others to turn in the winning design the next week, why did he bust his butt to get it done?
I am not against questioning the rules. In fact, one of the main things my husband taught our kids is “everything is negotiable”. In other words, if you don’t like the answer – negotiate. And I think that’s fine. We have been known to change our mind and the kids have learned how to put forth a well thought out presentation or argument for their case. They are learning to work within the system while working to change it.
Last week I heard about three hikers who fell to their death at Yosemite because they went past the railing that was there to protect them. Apparently they didn’t think the rule applied to them. That’s really sad.
I feel like most people around me think I’m either a goody-two shoes or an idiot (or maybe both). Maybe they are right. I generally assume that the rules are there for a good reason, and usually the only problem with a rule I don’t like is that it keeps me from getting what I want at that moment. I can get over that.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law no longer laugh at me when we go shopping, they’ve gotten used to it and I’ve learned not to think that rule breakers are all going to “you know where”. I think I’m going to continue “keeping the rules” as a general practice – it’s just who I am.
This is a really great commentary. Why do we keep or break rules? When is breaking the rules going to far? I suppose it's up to each person's conscience. I think breaking the rules when it injures or violates someone else, is non-negotiable. So speeding 5 miles over the limit isn't really endangering anyone but yourself (if you get caught,there's a ticket) but going 10, 20 etc over the limit could endanger others and so is irresponsible and inconsiderate. Taking more than 3 items into the change room maybe isn't a big deal, UNTIL you get accused of shop lifting. So, only having three items actually protects you, but it's a risk that just endangers your own reputation not someone elses.
I think in the end the old adage is still true: honesty is the best policy.
Now we know you're a rebel!
And I go fifteen miles over the speed limit. Or more. Don't tell anyone!
IF you don't go over the speed limit you get stuck with all those people who travel in packs and cause accidents! Truth be told, I have negotiated a lot of rules in my life…mostly with myself.
I think it's important for us to teach kids to do the right thing, not necessarily what the sign says – unless it's a traffic sign, then they'd better do it.
I went shopping this past Sunday – my husband was carrying stuff for me and handed me three things because of the sign – I stared at him and told him, "I'm not a shoplifter," and took in all the clothes – because I'm not.
This was so great! I sometimes think that I am the only rule-follower left. My family teases me about it all the time. But like you, that Yosemite story confirmed that most rules are there for a good reason.
Hubs actually applauded me a while ago when I jay-walked rather than go to the crosswalk!
It's a good thought-provoking blog. Most "rules" we encounter in life are really there to help us think of others. Think of the reason behind rules. The reason that you take 3 garments into the dressing room is that others may be waiting and it's not thoughtful to try on 15 outfits when others are waiting who may only have one outfit. Try 3 on and get out so that someone else can use the dressing room. If there's no line, then there's no need to follow the rule. There is nothing more annoying that people who believe that the rules do not apply to them. At Disney, where the crowds are huge, when you enter a theatre, you are supposed to move down to the end of the aisle. The reason is so that people don't have to climb over you and so every seat can be filled. This results in a better, more orderly and effecient experience for everyone. There's nothing worse than a family who sits in the center, ignores the employee's pleas for them to move down (they actually act deaf), and in the process teach their children that they are more important than all other people in the theatre. The reason we follow rules and the reason we teach our children to follow rules is that it causes us to think of others before ourselves. Thus, there's really only one rule to follow–the Golden Rule.