Da**ed If I Do, Da**ed If I Don’t
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(Disclaimer: This was written Wednesday during a “hissy fit”. I still have the issues to work with, but I’m in a much better mood now.)
I’ve always been a goody-two shoes. Part of it is my personality (passive), part of it my upbringing (preacher’s kid). I’m a people pleaser and it’s hard work. I’m not a doormat, but I want people to be happy. I hate controversy and conflict.
It seems like all around me I see people (in my life, my husband’s life, and my kids’ lives) who lie, steal, cheat, and only say they’re sorry when they get caught. Their lives go on with no apparent consequences, and in fact they often get their way and go on to success in whatever they endeavor.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. FB is great for staying in touch with friends, posting pictures, seeing their kids, sharing funny stories and links. It also lets people take potshots. If you respond a firestorm ensues. Just look at the people you know who posted some seemingly innocent (to them) statement about religion, politics, or family and see the explosion of comments about it. Suddenly the poster becomes some evil character with malicious intent. Some people can put anything out there and they don’t care what happens next. For me, I can’t respond because I think of all the possible ramifications. It’s best if I stay silent. Anything I say will be wrong. I’m doomed. I think I’ll stay off for awhile, maybe I’ll add it to my Lent “give ups” (along with fast food french fries, candy, and ice cream). My posts here will be automatically posted to Facebook with NetworkedBlogs – but it’s better if I stay away for now.
I’m sick and tired of being in the middle. I can’t win. I worry that if I post things about trips we take or great things happening for my kids or my husband or heaven forbid myself – it looks like bragging. I worry that if I don’t respond correctly it will look like I don’t care. I thought by this point in my life I’d be over it. I’m better than I was 20 years ago, but it’s still a struggle.
I am coming to grips with the fact that people are going to do and think whatever they want no matter what I do or don’t say. Trying to do what’s best for everyone only bites me in the butt (growing up “butt” was practically cussing – look how far I’ve come). I think I’ll move to Australia or Alaska, but then I’d be abandoning my responsibilities and that will bite me in the butt too. Maybe I can just get a lobotomy so I don’t think about everything. Bet Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock can get me a good deal.
Sorry for the temper tantrum and pity party. I’ll get over it soon, but probably not before this post bites me in the butt too.
P.S. About 95% of my life is terrific, it’s the 5% that’s getting to me at the moment. It will pass.
P.S.S. Obviously I need to lose myself in a very involved book so I can stop THINKING! Suggestions?
Im sorry you have had a hard time. I am 100% against FB and have been for over a year. Yes I tried it, and yeah finding some old friends and school mates was pretty cool, but in the end FB causes a lot of problems. I have a lot of personal and not so personal reasons, and also after watching the movie about the guy who made it, Im horrified.
I have to agree, give up FB. You wont miss out on much good stuff in the end, believe me.
Chin up, keep on truckin' 🙂
<3 and hugs
I don't think you're alone in letting that 5% of your life bug you. 🙂 And I think you're right–probably it's better to say little. I solve the fb problem by being too busy to visit.
You're right, Sheila. This, too, shall pass. Count your blessings and think good thoughts. I'm like you in that I avoid confrontation at all costs. Hurtful comments affect me deeply. I have to "detach" and get over it. Takes a little time, but eventually everything falls back into place.
I love you Sheila! 🙂 I don't think of you as a door mat. As a matter of fact sometimes to encourage myself I say "What would Sheila do?"
Sheila, I can definitely relate to what you're saying. It's a delicate balance knowing what to say and when to say it, and as a writer my (and I assume yours too) first impulse is to write about what's happening. I find myself starting to write about something only to remove it because it might be taken out of context. I don't know that this is always the best approach to take. I think that as writers we have a responsibility to ourselves and to our readers be more bold than we might otherwise be comfortable doing. That's not to say that there aren't numerous scenarios when that bold honesty should also be tempered with compassion. I'm working on my own bold voice. There is a certain amount of hurt feelings that is an inevitable consequence of writing down and sharing thoughts and observations. In some ways to be the best writer we have to accept this consequence. Again I say that accepting that doesn't negate the necessity of compassion in our words. I'm stepping off of my soapbox now. I know I have a tendency toward being redundant, and I hope I wasn't too bad in my comment.
One more thing…when it comes to bragging about your family…BRAG my dear, they are something joyful and I have a sneaking suspicion that nobody would suspect you of being overly prideful for sharing your families successes. In the words of Dr. Seuss:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter; and those who matter don't mind!"
Be bold, defy gravity…WRITE ON!
PS – One of my favorite books "The Book of Joby" by Mark Ferrari! Check it out! 🙂 Very easy to lose yourself in!